Have you ever felt this? Someone close to you, a friend a family member, told you they needed you. You’re the only one who can help. It’s all up to you for their outcomes. I mean, if you don’t do it, who will? What will become of them? Well of course, you have to.
We get pulled into situations and problems that really aren’t ours. It’s not our cross to bear, it’s not our problem. But somehow, we get pulled in, nonetheless. And it weighs on us, and it’s heavy. We think about it many times throughout the day, our anxiety mounts. But we tell Aunt Betty that we will do such and such to help her, after all, isn’t that what families do? We tell our best friends we can through that last minute party for them at no charge, we listen to our grandparents complain for the fifth time. We allow our family members from out of town to crash at our house, because it’s “the right thing to do”…
Why can’t we say “no”? Why do we say yes to things that we know we don’t want to do… deep down our stomachs churn and flip at the idea of doing XYZ. I think I know why. “No” is confrontational. No is a word that creates clear boundaries. People may get offended by our boundaries. If we tell Aunt Betty “no” she may cry for an hour and try and guilt us into something. And that may be true. But you’re not being true to yourself nor are you helping Aunt Betty, by enabling and allowing someone to control you.
If you’ve struggled with setting healthy and proper boundaries or you get anxiety about the “No” word… then you need to read this book. It’s called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. In it, he goes through examples of how people control others, of how we feel toward them, and discusses why we feel awful saying “no”. I’m almost finished reading it, and truly it’s an eye opener. If you haven’t read it, get a copy by clicking the link. I guarantee it will help you and set you free to say “no”.