This is a beautiful time of year. Snow starts falling, Christmas trees in every window, and cookies bake in the oven. It’s a time where we all try to focus on the things that truly matter: faith, family, and love. But for many of us, it’s been hard to get this place of “merriment.” For many, this time of year leaves a hole in our hearts and reminds us what we lack.
The photo above is of our home during Christmas in 2015. It was the year I miscarried twins and felt deep sadness, grief, and loss. Many feel this during the Christmas season. I remember talking to a counselor about it even before my miscarriage [you can read about here], when my mom left. I told him how much I dreaded this time of year and how utterly empty I felt. What he said to me still rings true ten years later.
Every Christmas is a just a piece of a sewn quilt, one of a huge tapestry of Christmases that will be in your lifetime. It’s just one.
And I can tell you there is hope. I can now look back on this picture and remember it clearly, but not feel the pain. Now we have a tree up in our home and we have our almost one-year-old son, born a year after and the same day as my D&C for the miscarriage in 2015. We are grateful. Somehow the pain of the “older quilt pieces” the Christmases of the past, hurt much less and are a dim memory.
So if you’re having a hard time this Christmas season, know that it’s just one in many. There will be new ones, new memories to create and the old hurtful stings dissipate over time. Losses never go away, but they do hurt less and less, rolling back like the oceans tide. May you have hope and healing this Christmas season.
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